BEAN SOUP

LISTEN TO THE THUNDER

     Are you desperate to achieve weight loss? Do you want to lose weight without dieting or exercise? If that is your goal, we recommend TOOT-C, a compoundof bean juice extract and fermented cabbage. Use TOOT-C and you can expect a mystical experience.

     Bean Juice Extract works by increasing the propensity of flatulence, and the fermented cabbage enhances the effect. According to Internet wisdom, a fart expends 67 calories. It is an established scientific fact that to lose a pound you must either decrease your calorie intake by 3500 calories, or expend 3500 calories by exercise or other activity. We advocate flatulence as that activity. It would require little training and very little effort on your part.

     Assuming that 67 calories are burned by each fart to be true, 52 farts would burn about 3500 calories, enough to burn one pound of fat. So far, scientific testing has been inconclusive as to the validity of these claims. Nevertheless scientists have refused to endorses the claim that farts burn 67 calories (these are some of the same scientists who contend that the Earth is not flat). Inquiries of several congressmen garnered only guarded responses, that there was better uses for hot air. You should draw your own conclusions, but I ask you. Who are you going to believe, a bunch of ivory tower dwelling scientists obsessed with global warming, your congressman or a snake oil salesman intent on perpetuating an Internet myth?

     Only 3 teaspoons of TOOT-C in a glass of water each morning is guaranteed to produce instant results. Over 12 million bottles sold. Mostly sold to teenage boys who mistakenly believed they could impress their girlfriends. If you use TOOT-C immediately before attending a social function you will find out who your true friends are. We assure you, continuing use of TOOT-C will change your life. Talk to your doctor about TOOT-C, it will brighten his day, he can use a good laugh.

     Curious about possible side effects? They include, constipation, Ephelis, diarrhea, decrease in intimacy,  ingrown toenails, stained underwear, erectile dysfunction, social rejection, bad breath, global warming, an uncontrollable desire for serious conversations with turnips. Death is not a common result, but many people may believe you have died. Do not use TOOT-C if you are sane, have ever been sane, or plan to be sane someday.

     Users of TOOT-C have been ecstatic over their results. Many have reported significant weight loss, in most cases much more than expected. Unexpected benefits such as departure of unwelcome house guests, and significant others leaving. Remarkable decreases in entertainment expenses can be expected. As a birth control method TOOT-C is unsurpassed, it is probably the most effective method of encouraging abstinence in teenagers.

     We think everyone should use TOOT-C, after you use it you will too.

MorriCat 

Chief Pharmacist 

Psychogenic Pharmaceutical Group LTD

"Better living through chemistry"