FISH STORY

SCIENTIFIC NAMES OF FISH

Members of Congress in an unprecedented show of bipartisanship and pork barrel politics, have introduced a bill, HR1984, that requires all members of the public to always refer to fish by their scientific names.  Additional provisions of the bill will require the revision of all books, movies and other media which contain references to fish. Although in some cases redacting of the reference may suffice.

As there are more than 20000 unique species of fish pisces, some of you may have difficulty remembering the names of each species (some of you have trouble remembering your children's names), cheer up, the provision in the original bill calling for a mandatory 3  year prison sentence, has been deleted. now only fines, based on market conditions or the estimated ability of the perpetrator to pay (whichever is greater) will be imposed. The authors of HR1984 had intended to exempt children under 8 from the penalties, but research determined that mobile apps, developed by video retailers and porn site operators will easily allow the debiting of  their parents' bank account to pay any fines. New provisions of HR1984 have now lowered the age of children subject to fines to 2 years 3 months.

An amendment now calls for the establishing of a federal agency to licence and collect fees from people who want to fish catch a piscis. Each licence is to be gender and species specific, this is in addition  to any state licencing requirements. Dogs will need a licence also, but per long standing custom cats will be exempt from all licencing requirements. To assist with revenue collections, the NSA is over seeing the installation of 24 hour video surveillance at all lake over 10 acres.

The penalty provisions of the law will commence immediately after approval of the senate and signing by the President. Provisions for the revision or redacting of the media, will be delayed until January, 2nd of 2018.

The Federal Fish Police is to be re-branded as The Ichthyology Patrol, and expanded by 200,000 additional officers (at least cover most of 132,000 lakes over 10 acres in the United States). These officers will be highly qualified alleged relatives, friends of your Congressman or descendants of their dogs.. The anticipated decrease in the welfare rolls will be a welcome result.  

Soon you can expect to see officers of The Ichthyology Patrol, in their stylish and neatly tailored silvery iridescent uniforms with the camouflage gray back (I must say that I find the hat with the large google eyes and fins is a little over the top). Look for them lurking near the seafood counters in supermarkets or under Lily Pads in farm ponds.

Passage is expected to be unanimous barring the possible opposition by the representative from Kansas who wants all references of 'scientific' in the bill to be deleted.  

Words of caution, a slip of the tongue may cost you money, officers of the Ichthyology Patrol are authorized an expected to levy and collect fines (or even nice shoes) on the spot.  You may want to enroll in Professor MorriCat's Online School of Fish Pisces, there you can expect to learn how to recognize the different species, their scientific name and the pronunciation. Our cadre of CPE' (Certified Pisces Eaters), are available to assist you 24/7. There you will learn, when dining, the difference between a Phoxinus Phoxinus and an Oncorhynchus Mykiss. or mistakenly ordering calceamentum de soleus instead of Solea soles, when dining in a fine restaurant this knowledge will be crucial.

We envision a growing need for people who can edit and revise media, or who have experience and ability to train waitstaff and supermarket clerks for the upcoming changes in the law.

MorriCat, CPE

Ichthyes International Oceanic Services

"Ignorance can be cured, stupidity is forever"