HELP WANTED

                 

              BETTER  THAN MINIMUM WAGE?

Have you ever considered thinking before you speak?

If your answer is no the Republican National Committee is looking for presidential candidates.

HEALTH TIP # 1

                   

                             CONSTIPATED?

For those of you suffering from acute and chronic constipation, this simple and natural household hint will provide immediate and complete relief.

There is no need to resort to expensive commercial products which in many cases have undesirable side effects,  some even being toxic.

MorrICat recommends a gentler more natural solution.  Simply substitute Milk of Magnesia for cows milk in your diet. You will be pleasantly surprised at the immediate relief.

For extremely stubborn cases you may want to enjoy a balsamic vinegar and hot pepper chili oil enema. If you do not have balsamic vinegar you can always substitute rubbing alcohol.

MorriCat
Homeopathy guru

WATERPROOF

OBAMA RESPONSIBLE FOR DROUGHT IN CALIFORNIA? 

     Obama's legacy is now assured. In a rare display of bipartisanship, house speaker John Boehner cedited President Obama with creating the California drought. There was some concern that the drought may have exceeded expectations. The National Weather Service reports that this is the most severe drought in 1200 years.

     Regretfully,  pushback from the younger more conservative members of the speakers party was swift and intense. A bill was quickly drafted, consisting of 170 pages of unintelligible dribble, which in essence required President Obama to restart the rain and continue it for forty days and forty nights.

     To the great disappointment of his many doubters,  our dauntless leader, in a rare stroke of competency, proceeded with the commencement of a deluge in southern California, not see for over 4000 years.  One would expect people to be overjoyed to have a little much-needed rain. Not so, the uproar can be heard all the way to the moon.  Perhaps our elected representatives would have been better advised to have consulted the scientific community or at least listened to their constituents in California.

     Regrettably the damage is done, we can look forward to forty days and forty nights of torrential rains, soaking California.  A likely outcome of this torrid drizzle is likely  the subsiding of the entire west coast into the Pacific Ocean. Oceanographers predict the new coastline will be in Kansas.

     It is our fervent hope that a judge sympathetic to dry weather can be found to issue an order to halt the rain or at least delay the implementation of this law. Usually optimistic, I must confess that I see little prospect for this.

     As side note, both the Los Angeles Dodgers and the San Diego Padres were forced to cancel games. This did not deter 20000 diehard fans in San Diego from entering the stadium. When it was pointed out that the game was called because of rain, some were adamant that it never rained in southern California. Many failed to notice that there was no game.

MorriCat  LBC
CEO Western Umbrella Company

WATCH THE POT

HOW TO BOIL WATER

Step 1:  Fill small pot with water.

Step 2:  Remove one tablespoon of water from the pot.

Step 3:  Place pot with remaining water on stove top.

Step 4:  Watch pot until it boils or for 30 minutes whichever is less.

Water should be briskly boiling, if not carefully review steps.

Did you fill the pot completely? 

Did you remove exactly one tablespoon of water?

Did you place the pot on the stovetop?

OOPS! Slight correction. Please add Step 3a: Turn on burner.

Continue to Step 4.

Now you should have a pot of boiling water for your personal use.

Later posts on this site will examine some of the uses of boiling water.

How do you recognize boiling water? Well might you ask. Most men have limited experience in the kitchen, and need to be trained.

The easiest way to recognize when the water is boiling is to ask a woman. If no woman is available, you may  be able to find information on Google, however, I would recommend that you turn off the stove and go to a restaurant.

MorriCat
Executive chef

HAVE A BALL

JUGGLING

I am heartened with the resurgence of interest for juggling in this country. It has long been puzzling to many people that juggling acts have not been more accessible on the media, especially on radio. The sports section of my local newspaper has been remiss in reporting the results of juggling matches, so much so that I am considering canceling my subscription.

For many years I have spent untold sleepless nights searching through the radio dial trying to find even a snippet of a juggling act. Alas, it was always to no avail, all I could find were reruns of high school football games, conservative talk radio shows and traffic reports from Los Angeles.

It is understandable why juggling fans have been underserved for so long. Historical jugglers were perceived as scruffy, illiterate, lazy, and shiftless deadbeats. I must express disagreement with this description as I do not believe it to be complete. A better description would add, practitioners of witchcraft and shoe repair, or even members of congress.

A brief history of juggling.

Juggling is not a Johnny-come-lately, sport or art. Archaeologists have found evidence of juggling in ancient Egypt, where many jugglers have been found buried in tombs along with their pharaohs. Jugglers were fairly high in social status in ancient Egypt. They were considered just below the pharaoh, cats and onions, but above money lenders, priests, and other social pariahs.

In ancient Greece it was common to find many women jugglers. This was perhaps one of the first instances of equality of the sexes. Previously all jugglers had been either men or bears. These females, shameless hussies as they may have been, were required to be virgins or to have been virgins at one time. Some jugglers would supplement their income by posing for artists e who would depict them on works of pottery, such as vases or platters. Monetarily Greece has now fallen on hard times, consequently juggling is no longer practiced and only depictions of jugglers on shards of pottery remain. Selling these shards is now one of the major sources of income for many Greeks.

There was a brief revival of juggling concurrent with the Spanish Inquisition. Many jugglers at that time found work entertaining large crowds at religious functions. These were not long lasting or well paying gigs as many performers left the profession for unexplained reasons during that period. Often a juggler would be accused of witchcraft and questioned gently to give him the opportunity to confess. Many saw the error of their ways repented and converted. Repentance and conversion did not preclude them from continued entertainment of the crowd by being burned at a stake which further diminished the ranks of the jugglers.

Medieval times found jugglers being kept by kings, nobles and rich merchants. A juggler fortunate enough to obtain one of these positions had a fairly good life. They were not required to do any real work, they got to eat and sleep with the dogs and clowns, and they were usually provided with a nifty multicolored uniform. A nimble and clever juggler could often when juggling food items, purloin a few eggs or dinner rolls, there is even a legend of a juggler who would juggle 4 full mugs of ale, sipping continuously.

Jugglers and their compatriots the clowns were originally barred from entry into the United States. However, in the mid 1800's, enterprising circus proprietors and call center operators managed to smuggle several jugglers and clowns through Canada and into the United States. Once established in the United States, they were protected by zealous social workers and immigration attorneys. They were provide jobs by unscrupulous circus operators, who claimed that Americans did not want to do 'that' work. There appear to be no natural predators of jugglers in the United States, consequently, once here they procreated prodigiously and since have driven out the native Americans, forcing them to move to Oklahoma. It has been theorized that the multitude of jugglers contributed to causing the Civil War.

Recent enhancements in the acceptability of jugglers has raised their social status and brought awareness of juggling as a sport and an art form. No longer ostracized, at least not in the United States, young jugglers no longer need to hide in the closet when practicing their art. Many fathers have affirmed that they would not object to their daughter marrying a juggler. Several college athletic conferences have adopted juggling as a varsity sport. The National Juggling Association will begin with 6 teams next Spring, expected to grow to 8 teams the following season. Validation of the acceptance of juggling is suspensions put on the Florida State University by the NCAA for recruiting violations, and several jugglers disqualified from the US Olympic team for use of performance enhancing drugs. Today it was confirmed that NBC will have a juggling reality show in their Fall lineup. Dancing With the Stars and America's got Talent are both actively recruiting jugglers as contestants.

Mothers are you distressed because your son does not have the ability to become a star football player or a champion ballet dancer? Rejoice! America needs new jugglers. Many opportunities exist in the juggling field, don't miss out. Get some balls for your kid and send him to juggling camp. He may become the Bill Gates of juggling, give him a chance. All he needs is some balls.

MorriCat, SBC

Director:  Master Juggling, Witchcraft and Shoe Repair Camp