WHEN YOU GOTTA GO

                                   TOILETS TO GO  

                           
Running late? Your teenage daughter just beat you to the bathroom? You needed to leave 20 minutes ago? Toilet stopped up and flooded the bathroom? Lost your key to the executive washroom? No hot water? Reluctant to share one of the coarse communal structures commonly used by the vast unwashed masses and found at construction sites or in rows at outdoor concerts, fairs or fishing contests.

Do not despair, MorriCat & Sons has the solution. Our company, THE ROYAL FLUSH, “for the man in a hurry” supplies a truly mobile restroom. Experience a unique and memorial event. We can make it happen.

Luxurious, some would say, even ostentatious, our fleet of mobile restrooms are built using customized Mercedes-Benz Sprinters. Our clients have expressed their approval of the new Art Deco exteriors as an improvement over the previous design of Early American Trailer Park, their excitement over the automatic sliding moon roof and sun deck is extremely gratifying. The interior features marble floors, granite counter-tops, 24K solid gold fixtures, crystal chandeliers, mahogany wood trim, towel warmers, barber chair, wet bar, 42 inch LCD TV, whirlpool tub and steam shower. A spiral staircase leads to the upper sun deck and hot tub. In response to requests from our previous clients, we have replaced the picture window by the whirlpool tub with one way glass. Our apologies to anyone who experienced embarrassment due to incidences before we corrected the orientation of the glass. Send us your name and address and we will share the profits from the advertising on the You Tube videos.

We really like to pamper our clients, we are available 24 hours a day, seven (7) days a week, each mobile restroom is staffed with either a butler or maid, a barber or hairdresser, manicurist, masseur and elderly cleaning lady (complete with authentic period clothing, and a large wart on her nose, she is equipped with a mop, bowl brush, air freshener, and tip jar).

No longer will you have to wait for your daughter to finish in the bathroom, Executive washroom “pshaw” your carriage awaits. Not for you sharing those tiny little cubicles with the great hoard of unwashed masses at public events. Consider the envy you will elicit when you arrive at the entrance of your country club for the Fall Festival Ball, in the 36 foot long bright yellow Mercedes-Benz Sprinter adorned with decals depicting golden commodes on each side and a 12 foot toilet bowl plunger on the roof. Ignore and snickers or snide remarks, these people are as old as you, wait about 3 hours, that's when the over-active bladders and prostate troubles really show their affects.

Is our service expensive? You better believe it, fortunately our clients are very rich, really, really, really rich, also they are very patriotic and subscribe to the trickle down theory of economics. Or it may be that they are just dumb. Never the less we happily take their money. We are non-discriminatory, we take anyone's money regardless of race, religion, political affiliation, sexual orientation or species. Call now for an unforgettable experience.

MorriCat
CEO and President, THE ROYAL FLUSH CO LTD

Franchises available.

SUPER MOON

CHICKEN LITTLE WAS RIGHT

The sky is falling, yes I said the sky is falling. The more observant of you may have noticed that the Moon has been increasing in size for the last few days. Already there has been an apparent 14% increase in the size of the moon. This is the result of the moon falling toward the earth. When the Moon finally strikes the earth this will be an unparalleled disaster, forget global warming, forget floods, forget famines, forget plagues and war, this is really bad, this is not something that happens every day. This will be a catastrophe comparable to the closing of every Starbucks in North America.

NASA has been appraised of this situation, however, to date they have been in denial, and have refrained from informing the public of the gravity of this situation. Repeated attempts to contact anyone at NASA have been futile. An anonymous employee (possibly the janitor), had no comment, but advised us to submit a FOIA request when the office reopened.

Congress was more help. Promises were obtained to form a committee to study the predicament as soon as they finished balance the budget. We are looking for a volunteer to hold their finger in the fire while this is happening. Further inquires gained a more definite timetable, although we are still not exactly sure when Hell is expected to freeze over.

As a proactive measure we have formed a Blue Ribbon Committee, consisting of many disgraced members of the Congress, former presidential aspirants, under-employed radio talk show hosts, and several noted Astrologists. A plan was quickly formed and agreed on unanimously. Pennies were collected from school children all over the world, and widows and orphans trust funds were raided. The funds raised, less a small percentage for administrative costs were applied to arranging for the Earth to pass between the Sun and the Moon creating a total eclipse of the Moon,

It is theorized that the Earth will block the gravitational pull of the Sun allowing the Moon to rebound and resume its natural orbit. In the unlikely event that this does not happen all funds will be returned to the donors, less any administrative costs and attorneys fees.

We hope you will take the opportunity to observe this unique event. The show will start shortly after sundown, on Sunday September 27^th. The spectacle will be visible everywhere in North America, with the exception of Kansas, which chose not to participate. Rain date will be October 3^rd. All are invited to attend, a small donation is requested for standing room, box seats are available for lots of money. Don't miss it. Refreshments are available for a fee.

MorriCat 

APPRENTICE SEER and SHOE REPAIR MASTER