SOLAR POWER

THE LIGHTS ARE OUT

Energy released from our sun is increasingly being captured by us using solar panels to provide energy to run our homes, cars, computers, lighting and heat. Allegations by respected scientists that solar farms are sucking up all the energy from the  Sun are unfounded. Rumors that the increased proliferation of these solar farms will drain all of the energy from the sun eventually causing it to die is a myth propagated by an unholy alliance between Haliburton executives and neo-liberals.

Even if true the demise of the Sun is not necessarily all bad, a side effect would be an inadvertent reversing of global  warming. Environmentalists are furious that decades of propagating the impending doom of global warming, melting icecaps, rising sea levels and hordes of locusts, have all been wasted. It is now demonstrated that by simply building a few solar farms, those catastrophes can be averted.

I have not often been accused of being a tree-hugging, yogurt eating, liberal, socialist  environmentalist, but if there is a dollar to be made from solar power, I can accept the reversing of global warming as an acceptable side effect.

If indeed the decline in the life of our sun would be hastened by increased usage of solar power, it concerns me little.. Estimates place the age of our sun at approximately 4 billion years. I ask you, how much longer can it last? Scientists seem clueless, some say another 4 billion years others claim only 300 to 400 years. Assuming solar power usage increases by 75% each year, best estimates are a 20% decrease in the life of the Sun. worse case, 240 years until the death of the Sun. I am still not concerned. Are you worried?

More immediate concerns are the limitations on solar power generation. Our investors have pointed out that solar power output at night decreases significantly, further concerns are cloud cover and smog. All things considered, solar generation would only be productive less than 50% of the time. Stopping the rotation of the earth and avoiding Los Angeles and china as location for solar farms would help.

A more practical solution has been proposed by Luddite Technologies LTD, a small manufacturing company located in Nottingham England  Founded in 1811 by Ned Ludd as a textile company, Luddite Technologies is now run by Ned Ludd IV a direct and hopefully the last descendant of Ned Ludd. They have developed a Portable Nuclear Fusion Generator (PNFG). Working on a similar concept as the Sun, It was noted that the fusing as few as 2 atoms of hydrogen atoms could produce a self sustaining reaction releasing an enormous amount of energy. When perfected the PNFG is expected to operate indefinitely on one pint of water.

The PNFG’s are not impacted by darkness, fog or air pollution. Our greatest challenges are portability and safety. Our current model, 3rd generation has been reduced to the size of  a 1978 Ford Pinto. Our engineers have assured us that the next generation will be reduced to the size of and early Apple computer, albeit at the sacrifice of safety features. Since our investors are mostly concerned with return on investment, in lieu of continued development of safety features our CEO has instructed us to place large nuclear warning symbols on all sides of the PNFG.

We pooh-pooh the suggestion that our neglect of safety features present a hazard. Statistics suggest that a chain reaction is no more likely than being mugged in Detroit on Saturday night, or being shot by the police in Chicago. In the unlikely event that there are one or more change reactions, it is believed that much some of the Earth will remain habitable.

Our conclusion is that Portable Nuclear Fusion generators are not only a viable alternative to solar energy, additional benefits of anticapted slowing in the trend of decreasing global warming.

MorriCat

Chief of Research, 
Luddite Technologies LTD
"Good 'nuff for grandpa"

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