A
PLAGUE OF EPHELIS
Do you suffer from Ephelis?
Are you ashamed to be seen in public? Has been over 6 months since you have
had a date? Do you use an alias when you talk to your friends on the
phone? You are not alone millions of people worldwide are afflicted
by this debilitating condition. Ephelis has been around for
centuries, and has long been a plague on fair skinned people.
Scientists are not certain how Ephelis is spread, however, the
prevalent opinion is that is spread through sexual contact.
If you have Ephelis or suspect
you have been in contact with anyone who has Ephelis, ask your doctor
about Nocebo. This modern miracle drug, recently developed by
Psychogenic Pharmaceutical Group Ltd, is unquestionably the most
efficacious treatment for Ephelis. Previously the only way to
alleviate the effects of Ephelis was to avoid exposure to sunlight.
Many teenage boys still advocate this method as it allows them to
sleep until noon or later. If you do not like to sleep all day, or
the goth lifestyle does not appeal to you, Nocebo may be your
solution.
You should stop taking Nocebo
and call your doctor if your hair turns red and you begin speaking
with a brogue. You should avoid the consumption of Irish whiskey
while taking Nocebo. If you are pregnant, thinking about becoming
pregnant or know anyone who may become pregnant or who has been
pregnant in the past you should not use Nocebo, but we will sell it
to you anyway. Use of Nocebo frequently results in ingrown toenails,
kidney and liver failure. You should avoid heavy lifting, use of
machinery, wearing of galoshes or rational thoughts while using
Nocebo. I would discount any rumors of death or broken legs being
caused by Nocebo.
Ethical and legal concerns have
prevented many doctors from prescribing Nocebo. Surveys of several
pharmacies have found a reluctance to dispense Nocebo. Initially we
had concerns that these attitudes would present difficulties in
selling and delivering our product. We were pleasantly surprised to
find an established network of eager and accomplished entrepreneurs
similar to Amway distributors, to market our product. We believe you
will love Nocebo as much as we do. We are so confident that you will
like Nocebo that we are offering a limited free trial for the next
week. Become one of the millions that have already tried it, are
highly satisfied and now report that they cannot live without it.
Remember, Nocebo is not sold in
stores. To get your free trial, just call the number on your screen,
have your credit card (or someone else's credit card) ready, you will only
be charged $7.99 for shipping, handling and a contribution for bail
bond. We do not keep you information, we send it as usual to our
associates in Nigeria within the hour. Can't wait? You can find one
of our many distributors on almost any street corner or at most
Hollywood parties. Just look for the skinny kid wearing baggy pants
and a gray hoodie. Discounts are given for cash.
We do not recommend the use of
Nocebo for weight loss, although many of our customers report
significant loss of weight, probably because they could not afford
food after paying for the Nocebo. Some of our more misguided
customers are of the belief that Nocebo will alleviate the symptoms
of Peutz-Jeghers Syndrome. There are reports of incidents of
increased body odor when using Nocebo.
Not always lethal, at least not
immediately, Ephelis can be unpleasant, undesirable and
embarrassing. Nocebo can help if anything can. Get your free trial
now. Interesting side effects of Nocebo have included, improved
detection of colors (many previously unknown), visions and
conversations with sugar plums and other mystical creatures. We still
contend that there are health benefits to the uncontrollable desire
to experience a colonoscopy. Our previous ad agency had made several
unsustainable claims. Nocebo will not make you faster than a speeding
bullet, lab test have definitely confirmed this. The claim that users
were able to leap tall buildings was slightly exaggerated, the
buildings being used were from a doll house and our testers still had
problems clearing them in a single leap. Likewise the propensity to
indulge in a single glass of Irish whiskey several times a day has
not been proven to be connected to the use of Nocebo.
FDA approval has been withheld
pending further testing. To date no animals have been harmed by the
testing. Since there have been hints that sanitary standards may be a
concern, we are removing the chicken breeding operation from the
factory next week.
Even if you are not at present
suffering from Ephelis, I recommend that you purchase your supply of
Nocebo now, before the FDA and the DEA shuts us down. An ounce of
prevention is worth a pound of cure.
MorriCat
Chief Pharmacist
Psychogenic
Pharmaceutical Group Ltd
"Better living with chemistry"
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