Essential facts about news.
Ever wonder where news comes from? Anthropologists have
discovered evidence of news circa 6600 BC during the reign of the long and gratefully forgotten
Egyptian pharaoh, King Tsh-Tsh-Bushamba, a progressive almost liberal ruler, he
believed that if his subjects were better educated, they would be more
productive and he could collect more gold. After assembling his trusted advisers and
many wise men he assigned them the task of
educating his subjects. As
Egyptians do not at this time play football or basketball, there was no
practical purpose to have schools or institutes of higher learning. After years of study and polls of citizens,
the concept of relating to the common citizens about the happenings of the day
was developed. There appears to be no requirement for accuracy or truth in this
recounting of events, only the requirement to present what the general populace
wishes to hear or what the rulers wish them to believe.
News is a renewable resource. Everyday and sometimes more often, there appears to be a bottomless cornucopia overflowing with a variety of news, good news, bad news,
true news, news you are glad is not true, fashion news, sports and most
importantly news about celebrities. News accumulates during the day and is
presented to the eager public in just before dinner, and again just before
bedtime. Is the news good for you? I
repeat, the news is presented to you just before dinner and again just before
bedtime (you be the judge). Personally I attribute poor digestion and many
sleepless nights to this timing.
Should children and small animals be exposed to news? The
general consensus is no, news has too much violence and prurient content,
considering there is the possibility that some of the news could be accurate,
it is determined that their time would be better spent playing video games, or
watching educational television such as, 'WWF Superstars of Wrestling',
'Dancing With The Stars', or even 'America's got Talent'. Where they could
learn new and useful skills.
How do you get your news? A recent scientific survey has
determined that 49% of people get their news from Kim Kardashian's 'tweets' 27%
from conservative or liberal talk radio (both completely objective). 32% have
lost the television remote and now watch nothing but the Home Shopping Network.
My preference for news is Marge's Hair and Nail Solon, there you can get all
the breaking and prurient news much of which is very interesting, I am always
curious as to the activities of my neighbors. Patrons of Marge's Hair and Nail Solon,
have a motto, “Don't let yourself become news”.
News should be true, accurate and presented in a manner
easily understood. To the best of my
knowledge this is and has always been the case, witness the White House press
releases.
What happens to 'old' news? News is basically juvenile,
although on occasion some news will mature, when this happens it becomes
history. No one knows much about history, although rumored to be useful, and
once required study for Junior High School students, it has fallen out of favor
and is now only known to a few dedicated scholars. These scholars (also called
historians) are easily recognized by their uniform. Baggy trousers, brown tweed jackets, narrow
ties (plaid usually), thick (3/8 inch) glasses and an unlit pipe sticking from
their mouth, a senior historian is differentiated by a long gray speckled
beard, dotted with dried soup and bread crumbs.
In conclusion; news can be very useful as it enables you to fool some of
the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time. All-in-all that should be enough for most
purposes.
MorriCat,
Purveyor of Truths
December 1st 2014
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