PUT DOWN THAT BURGER
Obesity has became a serious problem in the united States. With a population of over 320 million people with an average weight per person of 181 pounds, Americans are the world's third-heaviest people, exceeded only by the Pacific nations of Tonga and Micronesia. If we are very diligent we shall soon be number one.
Obesity has been recognized as a health problem for several years. There are serious concerns about Diabetics, Heart disease, Sagging breasts, and Ephelis. The economic impacts are grave, studies by reputable scientists and shoe repair persons suggest that fat people not only consume more food, but require more resources for shelter, clothing and health care. This drain on our limited resources has not gone unnoticed by our elected representatives. They have less and less money for more useful and profitable enterprises, such as their salaries.
It is becoming a more common belief that it is more beneficial to have an increase in really skinny people, and decrease the number of obese persons. Many of our political leaders and captains of industry are working hard to make that happen. Recently you may have noticed that the quality and nutritional value of your food has deteriorated. Several restaurant chains have even resorted to selling their clientele tainted food.
Not to discount the health, and economic impacts of obesity. The real and more immediate danger is environmental. Many of the Pacific island nations have expressed fears that rising sea levels caused by global warming will destroy their lands. This is a myth propagated by environmental scientists, who have been duped by misguided liberal housewives into believing in global warming. These gullible savants refuse to consider the extensive research provided by major oil companies and other large industries. Which prove conclusively that contrary to sea levels rising, the islands are actually sinking. It is now a generally accepted theory that the added weight of people due to population and average weight increases have strained our Earth to the breaking point.
Some estimates place the average weight of an American at 241 pounds by the year 2030. If true this is a real catastrophe. Worse, the growth in expected population to approximately 600 million, due to immigration, revival of the rhythm method of birth control and the effects of the push-up bra on the male libido, will add an additional 36 billion (that's a whole bunch) pounds of weight in the United States (conservative estimate). Considering the size of the United States, I do not expect it to sink into the oceans, at least not right away and then not even all of it. A more serious and likely scenario, is the additional weight putting such a strain on the Earth that gravity will be affected and imbalance of weight will slow the rotation of the Earth, slowing it and allowing the gravity of the Sun to pull the Earth into a closer orbit. This lower orbit will result in more sunlight reaching the Earth and indirectly contributing to global warming. While only a temporary condition, the Earth is not expected to completely recover, the most widely accepted belief is that the decaying orbit will accelerate spiraling the Earth into the Sun. Effectively extinguishing all life except for a few African cockroaches.
It saddened me that so many of you have expressed disbelief and even derision in regards to the facts I have so carefully made up. Obviously you have been prejudiced by jealous, misguided and ignorant lackeys of big business. Hopeless as it may seem, I shall continue my crusade in a perhaps futile attempt to save our Earth. At least until someone offers me enough money to revise my facts.
MorriCat
Fearless crusader of truth
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