EMERGENCY GUEST SERVICES

LOOK WHO'S COMING TO DINNER

     MorriCat and Sons is rolling out their new emergency guest services.

     We provide speciality and last minute guests for dinner parties, weddings, bar mitzvah, graduations, conferences, substitutes for parents at little league games, funerals. Do you want a new or more impressive spouse for your class reunion? We offer a large selection of substitute spouses for a occasion. We can help with substitutes for disagreeable tasks, such as court dates, parent teacher meetings, prison sentences, or dental appointments.

     We can supply the perfect guest or assistant for you. We employ a variety of professional guests or surrogates, from the exceptionally mundane to the improbably interesting. Do you just need a warm body to make you party perfect? We have him or her. No need for your affair to be a disaster because of last minute cancelations. Call MorriCat, we will send one of our bonded contractors to save your function.

     If you just want to liven up the event we have specialist for all occasions. Meet some of our special guests.

     Major Snodgrass, he is, pompous, slightly balding, overweight (but not chubby), speaks with British accent. He will corner victims and incessantly speak about his adventures as big game hunter or soldier in India. Exceptionally boring,  Major Snodgrass will make all other males at you party appear extraordinarily witty and possibly intelligent.

     Myra Mockingbird, a twenty year old ditzy blonde, very voluptuous. A former hostess at Millie's House of Forbidden Delights, she is much smarter than she acts. She has a great memory for names and faces and photography is her hobby. She will undoubtedly know some of your more prosperous male guests and they may even be interested in some of her photos. You won't regret adding her to your guest list.

     Aunt Mary, you'll like her, she is everyone's favorite aunt, petite, very prim and proper, wears hearing aids and round wire rimmed glasses,  calls all younger people sonny or missy. She smiles at everything you say, but you will never see her teeth. She really doesn't need the hearing aids.

     Wilhelmina "Muffy" Flufhedd, highly sought as an audience member for game shows and TV reality programs. Very bubbly she can be excited by watching paint dry. Now 40 years old she still dresses and acts 18. A former cheerleader, she is perfect to take your  10 year old boy or girl to their soccer game. She even brings own supply of bubble gum. In an emergency can escort your dippy 18 year old son to the prom. A great addition to your dinner party. For and additional fee she will attend wearing her cheerleader uniform.

     Michaelangelo "Magic Mike" DeVore, suave and debonair, he is fluent in French and Italian, 15 years experience as assistant tennis pro (43 different country clubs). He has extensive knowledge of wine, sailing and polo, probably the only living person who knows all the rules of Cricket. He is popular with the more mature ladies and the younger wives of older men. Michaelangelo tends to avoid countries where dueling is legal.

     The Katzenjammer family, Ross, Molly and their three preteen kids. Perfect for invigorating your affair. Consider them for your wedding,  bar mitzvah,  funeral or court appearance. The three kids raise mischief to a whole new level, they can break anything. The parents are seem clueless and oblivious to everything the kids are doing. They will make an unforgettable experience for you and all your guests.

     Homeless Hank, one of several generic street people we employ. 'Homeless Hank' will add character to your affair and demonstrate your commitment to social justice. We have several employees on call as they are not overly reliable and tend to move around often. In most cases incontinence is not a problem, and the most of the odors can be allivated by air fresheners. Most are great connoisseurs of wine. As with all our employees, bonding is provided by Johnny's 24 Hour Bail Bonds.

     Bag Lady Annie, similar attributes as Homeless Hank. Additional she will bring a shopping cart with all her belongings to your party.

     Visit our Web page or stop by one of our convenient locations to see our entire selection of special guests. We know we have what you want and need. Our prices are competive, they may not be the lowest but remember you get what you pay for.


MorriCat and Sons
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