AVIDITY

AVIDITY FOR THE COMMON MAN

Have you ever felt an overwhelming desire to use the word "Avidity " in a sentence,  but refrained because you were unsure of its meaning?

For many years I was under the impression that "Avidity" described the process of a blind man shaving a goat.  Fortunately I was recently advised of my error.  You can imagine my surprise and  Disappointment.  Vowing not to be discouraged,  I consoled myself with several bowls of cream,  catnip stuffed cat toys and the satisfaction and relief that I had avoided embarrassment and ridcule.

Despite the groundswell of apathy concerning “Avidity”,  I have been able to obtain a grant from the National Science Foundation, creating the American Avidity Association, to study and develop Avidity.  You may already have been contacted by one of our pollsters.  Early results found that 81% of teenage girls believe that “avidity” means “whatever”.  Teenage boys were more divided, 14% believe that “avidity” is the requirement to wear plaid on Tuesdays.  Another 32% are of the opinion that “avidity” describes the migration of a type of flounder from the waters of New Zealand to Fiji.  45% were unable to read the question (some are still trying).  The remaining 9% thought it was a new video game and gave our pollsters $149.00 each.  In hindsight, was probably not necessary or cost effective to use water-boarding to elicit answers (in the future our pollsters will be aware that our grant is from the NSF, not the NSA).  Although many of the persons polled have since recovered a degree of normalcy and function quite well unless exposed to sudden noise or bright light.  

After diligent analysis of the polling results and my catnip dreams, I have determined that “avidity” is an archaic word, no longer in common usage. I am unable to conceive of anyone using it, Therefore, I have cut from my dictionary, I have also cut out “avail” which was on the back of the page. Neither word shall again pass my lips.

MorriCat

Executive director

American Avidity Association

9/23/2014