AN EXCEPTIONAL WEDDING

PLANS & IDEAS

     How are your wedding plans going? Don't despair, there are always some problems. Do you feel it is going to be less opulent than you hoped? Is it turning into a really big hassle?  Of the 480 invitations you sent 430 were RSVP with regrets, another 22 were returned by postofice marked refused 6 were attached to rocks and thrown through you window . The plan to fill up the guest list with homeless people seems eminently doable. Too bad your maid of honor backed out because she starts her new job at the Millie's House of Forbidden Delights that day. Now may be the time to reconsider some things. For example the cash bar may be a little too much for some of your guests. Is it too late to change the caterer?   Chipolotes may not be the most auspicious choice at this time. The choice of wedding gown and bridesmaid dressing from Fredericks of Hollywood is unconventional to say the least. I was not previously aware that Fredericks sold maternity clothing. My considered opinion and recommendation is that the bridesmaids should wear underwear during the wedding and at the reception. Will your father be released from prison in time to walk you down the aisle?

     Speaking with the groom, I am marginally encouraged,  although the best man is not expected to make bail before the wedding,  the groom expects his current outbreak of herpes will have abated before the wedding. It is our suggestion, considering the guest list, that the ushers be armed during the ceremony and the reception. They would not necessarily all need assault weapons, or even concealed carry permits. Of course with their backgrounds there may be challenges obtaining the permits anyway.  

     The minister's wife believes he will be relatively sober by the day of the wedding. His new ankle bracelet is not that noticeable. The bridesmaids should be safe as long as the minister's wife  is nearby with her shepherds crook. Our additional suggestion, is to keep all children at least 100 feet away. That should alleviate some concerns about possible parole violations.  Unfortunately they will not be attending the reception, as they expect to leave  immediately after the ceremony. She requested that, since the ushers will be armed, they assist in collecting the offering.

      All-in-all it seems that everything is falling into place. Some couples have real problems, but you appear to be off to a good start for a long and happy marriage. You mother will be proud, I know you hope she is released from the asylum soon, drug rehabilitation can be tough.

     Thank for giving us the privilege of evaluating your wedding plans.

MorriCat 

Social Engineer